he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
