ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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