i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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