kristin has been a bad kristin
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
