he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
