I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
