Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
