i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
