I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
