Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
