that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
