I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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