sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just want nice things and good sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
