if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is wine microwaveable?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize