There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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