Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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