remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus