just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music