im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.