chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy