Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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