So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize