Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
