At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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