i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Are my feet made of real feet?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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