um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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