Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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