Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
