thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We got so high we made milksteak
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
