10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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