Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
