I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
