So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
