another moral hangover. fuck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
