And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
