I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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