it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made him laugh his dick is mine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
