The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
