He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
