And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
