What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
