It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I need moral support for this bender
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
