I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
