We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
