I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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