that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
