Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
