I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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