You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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