Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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