I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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