final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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