i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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