Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
