Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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