He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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