So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
