hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
