and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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