You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
