I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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