good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
