I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
