Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
