I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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