Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
