My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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