i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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