you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
