This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
