My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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